Insane-Hearts;

Saturday, December 09, 2006

tis past wk is interestin... feels as though i'm in a terrible mood can't really understand what's making me feel so weird . Simply puttin it i think i woke up on e wrong side of bed for days.

Been thinkin alot.. my life, my future? what lies beyond this instance, will i be able to say " Yup. this is where i want my life to be be at this point." Not regretting any thing... Even the mistake that i may fault, i wanna be able to say that it was an experience not a mistake that i'll regret and burden me. Knowing me i hate the feelin of regrettin something i have done. i can't take that self blaming and alll that other emotions that came along with regret.

Mum has been asking me persisitanly wat i wanna do after i graduate. Sail? What if i can't work at shipyard or what? If not study? Where & what subject then?

All this questions i have no answers for. Yes i wanna sail. But i'm so do not feel strongly for this answer anymore. Not like 2+ yrs back...
Sailing is a good career move, gd experience and money. A valuable asset to my resume but is it worth it? A freakin tough job, Time away from family, friends esp u gals... a solitude life i'll be living for at least 6yrs. 6 yrs of absence frm land, society? Can i do it? Will i cope? I dunno... not to mention there a possibilty tt i may die onboard... haha(noe it isn't very approriate)
Heard my class tuitor sayin those who intend to sail give it a good thought think thrice at least. Don't sail for 2 wks and want to resign after that. If u think u can handle it... challenges, physical endurance, adptation, one that doesn't turn down a problem but faces it and solves it. i'm i such a person? i dunno.
Then again sailin can help me reach my goal... study overseas in Uk ideally, at 25. i wanna be able to affort for my studies, loging, day to day expenditure, be able to live comfortabily there. not scriming and saving like crazin.
My next choice work in a shipyard... will i like it? i'm not sure. it won't be tt bad either but its too ordinary in a way & it definately doesn't earn enough for my goal.
i can take other jobs but it all seems to plain... I'm definately not takin an office job. Nor get hitched to a rich dying dude as my friend says jokingly. That's to insulting to me.

Still thinking...

Another thing paltonic relationship...
I seriously belief that it exist.
from ivan:
Good/close friends and bgr its a fine line seperating it.
jus that in bgr one expects more from the other... like affection.. stuff like tt. Cus one holds the other in higher importance then others(friends, maybe family?) Its definatly more physical in bgr.
In my point i just belief that its possible to have very very close friends of opp gender jus like how close i'm with u gals. But does it make me homosexual by jus being close to you gals? No. Like wise with friens f the opp gender. Its doesn't mean tt for every close friend tt i hav of e opp gender i mus go thru a relationship with him. Sounds a little ridiculus.
Well... its still my belief. It Exists! hehe

Another thing i figured out
I'm blooy hell insecure deep down inside. tt's why i have softtoys. I needa hug something whenever i'm at home or somewhere i feel tt i can let my guard go. Need to feel a sense of security from hugging something. I ain't tt tough after all... i jus put a front everytime i'm outside. Deep down i'm one hell of a insure person.

More thoughts...
More figuring...

~mun
an effort a time,
a small progress a time,
i'll get there

go crazy;

6:10 PM

Y three gals
three wackos
ONE FRIENDSHIP
One Love

"It brings me back to good times,
memories galore passing my mind.
I can't help but laugh slightly
as I think about our friendship."

:) 8teen
:) 29 Sept 1988
:) love cookies

wq and fm are my best buds man...not exactly best buds cause i hv none... but they are one of e best ppl to have as friends... fm is e cold, cool calm one while wq is e sassy, blur, tech-savvy one and i'm the noisy, sarcastic,irritating one amongst us... well, enjoy reading the blog n chill... :D

:) 8teen
:) loves CHOCOLATES
:) loves nites
:) loves walking in the rain

known lixin and wei quin since sec 1... had lots of fun & laughs together... more to come :) luv u gals!!!

:) 8teen
:) 2 March 1988
:) Star-lover

well.. the trios are mun, li and me! known lixin since primary 5 and since than.. we've had a hell lotsa fun together! hahas.. know mun thru li.. basically we're crazy people who love hanging out with each other! hehes.. u guys rock! forever friends (:

1) Cleaning void deck with plastic bag & water

2) Walking in painful heels the whole day

3) Taking the wrong bus which never stops

4) Being lunatics at the underground

5) and the list goes on